That Love – Hate Feeling

And just like that, I was histrionically blazing. Wanting to kick ass with every fibre of my being. Using my thoughts as my ink to clear my brain of the gunk. I got out of bed. Ran to get my journal. Out of the room, a tea, and then back again. My pen hit the paper. I aimlessly wrote my heart out. I was full of rage. I’m realizing that all the things I hate about at that very moment were really the things I love most about it.

I hate it that it’s been freakin’ raining for 2 months now but I love it that I have the excuse to stay in and watch my series.

I hate it that I’m hours away from the city but I love it that this has been my least busy life and that I have enormous amounts of time to lay, rest, reflect, dream and plan.

I hate it that I extremely feel what I feel but I love it that it makes me think deeply and enables me to patch myself up.

I hate it that people come and go but I love it that the best people stay.

I hate it that relationships are challenged but I love it that it stretches and challenges me in ways I don’t want to be stretched and challenged.

I hate it that a few things, even more so my patience has its limits but I love it that it puts me right back to the very definition of loveIMG_4718

Most of all, I hate it that it’s so difficult to be kind when I have no kindness left in my heart… but I love it that my heart bounces back easily, especially when it’s for the people I care most about.

I don’t have it all together now. I am feeling all the feels. Picking up all the hints that may have overlooked. The good. The bad. The ugly. Trying not to make decisions based on emotions.

But still… choosing to live with a fearlessly loving and grateful heart.

jnomarie

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